Reprinted from HOW TO NAME YOUR FIRST NOVEL by Linda Holmes, via npr.org
If Your First Novel Will Be A Busted Romance:
[ANY OF THE SEVEN DWARFS]: A Love Story
If Your First Novel Will Be A Harrowing Historical Account:
The [A COLOR] [REPEAT THAT COLOR] [A FLOWER]s Of [A CITY IN EUROPE]
If Your First Novel Will Be A Withering Teenage Quasi-Memoir:
How I Flunked [YOUR WORST ACADEMIC SUBJECT] But Passed [THE FIRST MUSICIAN YOU SAW IN CONCERT]
If Your First Novel Will Be A Workplace Satire:
At Least They Left Us The [A PIECE OF OFFICE MACHINERY]
If Your First Novel Will Be A Quirky Woman's Story From Someone Else's Point Of View:
[A CHILD-CARE-RELATED TRANSITIVE VERB]ing [THE NAME OF YOUR PATERNAL GRANDMOTHER]
If Your First Novel Will Be A Quirky Man's Story From His Own Point Of View:
[THE FIRST NAME OF YOUR MATERNAL GRANDFATHER]Reads The Works Of [CLASSIC AUTHOR]
If Your First Novel Will Be A Miserable Story Of One Person's Suffering:
My [A FRAGILE OBJECT] Is [A WORD THAT MEANS "BROKEN"]
If Your First Novel Will Be Self-Consciously Ironic And Self-Congratulatory:
[A COMIC-BOOK SOUND EFFECT WORD] Goes [A NEIGHBORHOOD IN BROOKLYN]
If Your First Novel Takes Place In Gorgeous Locations:
The [ANY COUNTRY] [ANY COMMON SOCIAL EVENT]Chronicles
If Your First Novel Is Intended To Launch A Giant Moneymaking Franchise:
Everything Starts With ["1" OR "A"]
If Your First Novel Will Be A Harrowing Historical Account:
The [A COLOR] [REPEAT THAT COLOR] [A FLOWER]s Of [A CITY IN EUROPE]
If Your First Novel Will Be A Withering Teenage Quasi-Memoir:
How I Flunked [YOUR WORST ACADEMIC SUBJECT] But Passed [THE FIRST MUSICIAN YOU SAW IN CONCERT]
If Your First Novel Will Be A Workplace Satire:
At Least They Left Us The [A PIECE OF OFFICE MACHINERY]
If Your First Novel Will Be A Quirky Woman's Story From Someone Else's Point Of View:
[A CHILD-CARE-RELATED TRANSITIVE VERB]ing [THE NAME OF YOUR PATERNAL GRANDMOTHER]
If Your First Novel Will Be A Quirky Man's Story From His Own Point Of View:
[THE FIRST NAME OF YOUR MATERNAL GRANDFATHER]Reads The Works Of [CLASSIC AUTHOR]
If Your First Novel Will Be A Miserable Story Of One Person's Suffering:
My [A FRAGILE OBJECT] Is [A WORD THAT MEANS "BROKEN"]
If Your First Novel Will Be Self-Consciously Ironic And Self-Congratulatory:
[A COMIC-BOOK SOUND EFFECT WORD] Goes [A NEIGHBORHOOD IN BROOKLYN]
If Your First Novel Takes Place In Gorgeous Locations:
The [ANY COUNTRY] [ANY COMMON SOCIAL EVENT]Chronicles
If Your First Novel Is Intended To Launch A Giant Moneymaking Franchise:
Everything Starts With ["1" OR "A"]
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